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Mastering Intimacy Sex Life: A Guide to Sex Life Planning 101

Sexual health and well-being are important aspects of our lives. Planning for a satisfying and fulfilling sex life involves considering various factors, including communication, consent, contraception, sexual health, and personal preferences. Here's a guide to help you navigate sex life planning:

How to Talk About Sex with Your Partner

Difficulties with sex and sexual satisfaction can often lead to relationship and marital distress. It is a prevalent problem, and discussing it with your partner can be challenging. In fact, some individuals may find it easier to share their concerns with strangers online rather than having direct conversations with their partner. This may explain why discussions about sex frequently take place in online relationship forums.

Engaging in these conversations can evoke significant anxiety, causing individuals to avoid addressing the issue altogether. However, having open and honest discussions about sex is crucial, and employing a few strategies can make these conversations easier. Despite the initial discomfort, you are likely to discover that "the sex talk" is well worth the effort.

Take It Slow

Initiate the conversation in a gentle manner, aiming to foster a closer and more connected bond with your partner. Avoid placing blame or resorting to criticism. Instead, focus on collaborative efforts that can enhance the fulfillment of your shared sex life.

Emphasize Intimacy

Keep in mind that intimacy and affection are just as vital as the frequency of sexual encounters. Explore ways to cultivate intimacy and strengthen your emotional connection beyond the act of intercourse. Discuss your respective needs for various types of affection and attention.

Avoid Surprises

Ensure that both you and your partner are on the same page by initiating these conversations before introducing any surprises. Talk openly about your shared interests, potential fantasies, and desires. If you decide to incorporate new elements into your relationship, conduct research together to explore your options.

Avoid Potential Issues

To prevent any complications in your sex life, refrain from purchasing sex advice books or sex toys without discussing the matter with your partner beforehand. Prioritize open communication and mutual consent.

Express Yourself

Engage in candid conversations with your partner about your expectations, fears, desires, and concerns. Encourage honesty and create a safe space for both of you to openly share your deepest thoughts and feelings regarding your sexual relationship.

Keep the Conversation Going

Recognize that the "sex talk" is not a one-time event but an ongoing dialogue that should be integrated into the fabric of your relationship. Remember that needs and desires can evolve over time, so regularly check in with your partner to stay attuned to their changing preferences and to nurture a healthy sexual connection.

Frequently Asked Questions

How Do I Discuss Pain During Sex with My Partner?

If you're experiencing dyspareunia or pain during sex, it's crucial not to suffer in silence. Be open and honest with your partner about what you're going through. Seek medical assistance to identify the underlying cause of the pain. Your comfort and well-being are important, and a supportive sexual partner should be understanding and empathetic.

Are ThereTips for Having Non-Awkward Conversations About Sex?

The more frequently you engage in discussions about sex with your partner, the less awkward it will feel over time. Remember that your partner cannot read your mind, and they might appreciate your willingness to express your thoughts and desires. Choose a neutral setting that is free from distractions and interruptions. Avoid being critical and instead focus on open and non-judgmental communication.

How Do I Sex Problems with My Partner?

When discussing sex problems with your partner, treat it as you would any other issue in your relationship. Be sensitive to your partner's feelings and avoid criticizing or blaming them. Select a neutral environment and a time when you can have an uninterrupted conversation, ensuring both of you feel safe and comfortable to be open and honest. Couples therapy can also provide a supportive space for discussing and addressing sexual issues.

How Do I Talk About Sex with a Potential Marriage Partner?

If you're considering marriage with your partner, it's essential to have discussions about expectations regarding sex. Recognize that it is a significant aspect of a healthy marriage for many individuals, and understanding each other's needs can foster intimacy. Begin the conversation slowly, in a neutral setting where you won't be interrupted, and be mindful of your partner's feelings. Pre-marital counseling can also offer a safe and supportive environment for couples to discuss their sexual expectations and concerns.

A Step-By-Step Guide on How To Have Sex

Sex is an essential aspect of the human lifecycle, as it plays a vital role in our existence on this planet. However, despite its significance, many people still consider it taboo to openly discuss. This can lead to confusion and unanswered questions.

Understanding your own sexual preferences and discovering what works for you takes time, and that's perfectly normal. Each individual follows their unique timeline, and the journey toward sexual pleasure varies for everyone. It's important to embrace open and honest conversations about sex to gain clarity and navigate this aspect of our lives with confidence. Remember, your path to sexual fulfillment is personal and should be explored at your own pace.

Choose the Setting and Create an Intimate Atmosphere

Sex is an intimate act, and it's important to select a location where both of you can feel uninhibited, particularly if it's your first time together. Opt for a private space that offers a comfortable place to engage in sexual activity.

Consider investing in a cozy bed and setting up mood lighting to enhance the ambiance, unless you both are interested in exploring more experimental paths. Remember, creating an enjoyable experience may require some investment, but the pleasure is worth it. Keep in mind that the choice of location and ambiance can greatly influence the mood and overall enjoyment of the experience.

Approach with Gentleness, Avoid Desperation

Approaching the topic of sex should be done with sensitivity and respect. Coming on too strong or being overly pushy can be a major turn-off. Allow the other person space to express their feelings and desires. While it's important to show your interest in physical intimacy, be mindful of the other person's boundaries and signals.

Sex should be a consensual choice, so give them the freedom to choose. If you have a close enough relationship, you can openly communicate and ask for their desires and comfort levels. It may feel like a risk, but it's a risk worth taking in order to foster open and honest communication. Remember, consent and mutual desire are essential. Here are some tips to deepen your connection with your partner.

Engage in Kissing and Caressing

Kissing is often the first step towards physical intimacy and can ignite desire in both partners. Most individuals enjoy kissing, and a passionate kiss can create the mood for further exploration. Additionally, touching, caressing, and stimulating your partner's erogenous zones not only heightens pleasure but also fosters a sense of closeness and safety. These emotions can enhance performance in bed.

Touching and kissing your partner can also help alleviate any body image issues they may have, promoting comfort and trust in your presence. Remember, physical intimacy is a shared experience, so make your partner feel desired and wanted. Here's a step-by-step guide on how to create an enjoyable kissing experience.

Prioritize Foreplay

Foreplay is an essential part of sexual encounters and should not be overlooked. It involves various activities that precede intercourse, such as fondling, kissing, stimulating erogenous zones, and engaging in oral sex. Take the time to explore and enjoy foreplay together.

For example, you can choose to undress each other gradually, creating anticipation and excitement. Foreplay allows you to experiment with different techniques and methods, making the entire experience more pleasurable for both partners. Men, remember that women can experience multiple orgasms, so focus on pleasuring your partner and she will appreciate it in more ways than one.

Women, don't forget that men enjoy being touched and pleasured as well, so make sure to reciprocate and explore his entire body. Don't hold back and remember that pleasure should be shared.

Choose the Right Moment for Penetration

The ideal moment for engaging in penetrative sex is typically something that is felt and mutually desired by both partners. Pay attention to cues from your partner to determine when they are ready to proceed to the next step.

In some cases, asking for consent or inquiring about their desires can be a good way to gauge their readiness. Once you have established that both of you are ready, you can take the next step. Learn more about choosing the best time of day for sex.


Insertion, often portrayed as the central focus of sex, is just one part of the overall experience. During this step, the penis is inserted into the vagina. Men, if you are engaging in protected sex, ensure that you wear a condom before inserting your penis into your partner's vagina.

It is important to accurately locate the vagina to avoid any discomfort for your partner. If you are unsure, don't hesitate to ask your partner for assistance. Here are 10 techniques to help give your partner multiple orgasms.


After successful penetration, you can proceed to have sex in a manner that is comfortable for both of you. Men, focus on rhythmic thrusting from your hips to maximize pleasure for your partner. Remember to listen to your partner's feedback and pay attention to your own sensations.

Prioritize your partner's pleasure and happiness. Women, be proactive and move in sync with your partner's movements. Communicate your preferences and ensure mutual pleasure. Avoid hogging all the pleasure and consider your partner's needs as well. For women, here's a guide to first-time sex.

Final Moments

Once you and your partner have reached climax or are nearing the end of your sexual experience, you may both feel a sense of elation. Allow yourselves to bask in that state for as long as you need. This is a phase where you can choose to hold each other or simply be close.

Avoid rushing and allow your bodies to return to a relaxed state. While occasional excitement from quick encounters can be exhilarating, regular rushed sex may leave you feeling unsatisfied. Men, many women appreciate being held or cuddled at this point, so consider indulging your partner. Women, if you enjoyed the experience, let your partner know. There's nothing like an ego boost after a pleasurable time together.

Wrapping Up

The post-coital phase can vary from being lovely to slightly awkward. Focus on making your partner feel comfortable. Offer them a t-shirt to wear, engage in light-hearted flirting, and express how enjoyable the experience was. Share a smile and a laugh together. This can be a great opportunity to deepen your bond and potentially build a lasting friendship or partnership.

After you're finished, it's important to clean up. Women should wash their vaginal opening and vulva, while men should wash their penis after removing the condom. Lastly, ensure proper disposal of the condom by wrapping it in paper or tissue and throwing it in a trash bin instead of flushing it down the toilet.

Why Plan Your Sex Life

We understand that the idea of planned sex may initially seem unexciting and restrictive. However, when you consider the details of what planning sex can involve, it can actually be a source of anticipation and eroticism. Here are four ways in which planning sex can build excitement, just like spontaneous encounters:

Time for Elaborate Fantasies

Planning sex provides an opportunity to explore more elaborate fantasies that may require toys or a more intricate setup. It allows you to discuss these ideas with your partner, introduce new concepts, and navigate the logistics of bringing certain fantasies to life.

This process doesn't have to be dull or mechanical; it can be an exciting chance to share your desires and embrace the thrill that comes with them. You may even find yourselves shopping for toys together, envisioning how they could be used on each other, which can ignite passion and anticipation without immediate physical intimacy.

Building Anticipation

When you have a planned sexual encounter, you have something to look forward to. The experience extends beyond the actual act of sex, encompassing the moments of planning, allusions, hints, and teasing.

By treating it as a special experience each time, even during the anticipation phase, you create space for excitement to grow. Incorporate it into your conversations and thoughts with your partner, keeping the anticipation alive until the planned moment arrives.

Decreasing the Risk of Feeling Rejected

While spontaneous sex can be wonderful, planning intimate moments with your partner reduces the likelihood of feeling rejected. Life's circumstances may occasionally interfere with your plans, but when you've set aside dedicated time for intimacy, you can be more assured that your partner will be in the mood and excited when the moment finally arrives.

Spontaneity can sometimes lead to situations where your partner isn't ready or unable to fully engage, which may inadvertently trigger feelings of rejection. Planning sex provides reassurance that your partner desires intimacy with you and wants to ensure it remains a priority, easing any potential initial feelings of rejection when unforeseen obstacles arise.

Make an effort to stick to the schedule, but remember to remain flexible and open to different forms of intimacy.One common challenge couples face with scheduling intimacy is the difficulty of following through. It's important for you and your partner to assess your commitment to the schedule and determine how dedicated you are to it. Choose a time that works for both of you, and don't hesitate to update or adjust it as needed.

Crafting Your Sex Life Schedule

Having a sex schedule doesn't mean that every scheduled encounter needs to involve intercourse or even sexual activity at all. The focus is on fostering intimacy in whatever ways make you feel more connected. It could be a session of passionate kissing, exploring oral sex on one occasion, or dedicating time to give each other sensual massages while discussing your fantasies.

Planning Sex Creates a Space for Your Imagination to Flourish

Eroticism thrives on imagination, and when you intentionally create and discuss erotic moments with your partner, you provide a unique opportunity for your imagination to come alive. What new experiences or fantasies do you want to explore together? Are there desires or fantasies that you haven't shared with each other yet? Take the time to delve into these aspects and discover what excites and intrigues you both.

If you find that a lack of spontaneity is hindering your connection with your partner, seeking sex therapy can be beneficial. Sex therapy can help you and your partner develop strong communication skills and reconnect on an emotional and relational level, leading to significant improvements in the bedroom. Reach out to us today to begin your journey with sex therapy.

Developing Your Sex Schedule

Creating a sex schedule involves more than simply sending a calendar invite to your partner. It requires open communication and mutual understanding. Here are five expert-approved tips to help you get started:

Establish a Frequency Goal

Instead of vaguely aiming to have sex more often, it's beneficial to set specific, actionable goals. Discuss and agree upon the number of times you both plan to have sex each week. According to research, the average frequency of sex for couples is around once a week, but this can vary depending on age. Couples in their twenties typically have sex about 80 times a year, while those in their sixties average around 20 times a year. However, these numbers are not set in stone, and it's essential to have an open conversation to determine what works best for both of you.

Be Realistic

When starting out, set realistic and manageable goals. By doing so, you can build momentum and gain confidence to tackle more significant objectives. "If you've been struggling to have sex twice a month, it's not reasonable to suddenly plan for daily sex. Start with small goals and gradually increase," advises Jenn Mann, LMFT, author of The Relationship Fix. For instance, focus on reaching a goal of twice a month before aiming for weekly sex.

Define Expectations

The term "sex" encompasses various activities, so it's crucial to clarify your expectations and ensure that you and your partner are on the same page. Discuss what constitutes sex in your context. Is the goal focused on intercourse? Does it involve achieving orgasm? Does oral sex without intercourse count? "Having everyone on the same page is important for both partners to feel fulfilled," emphasizes Mann.

Prioritize Quality over Quantity

While setting a frequency goal is helpful, remember to prioritize the quality of your intimate moments. Intimacy is not solely measured by the number of times you engage in sexual activities but by the emotional connection and satisfaction you both experience. Focus on creating meaningful and pleasurable experiences that deepen your bond and bring you closer together.

Remain Flexible and Adaptable

Life is full of unpredictable circumstances, so it's essential to maintain flexibility within your sex schedule. Be open to adjusting the plan when necessary due to work commitments, family responsibilities, or other unforeseen events. Adaptability allows you to maintain a healthy and stress-free approach to scheduling sex.

Obey Sex Life Rules

Even couples who initially have passionate and exciting sex lives may experience slumps at some point. To help you stay sexually satisfied in a long-term relationship, sex therapists from around the country share six rules and helpful guidelines. Embracing these rules can add fun and excitement to your sex life:

Practice the Platinum Rule

While we're familiar with the golden rule of treating others as we want to be treated, the platinum rule takes it a step further. It involves doing for your partner what they desire for themselves.

Discover their biggest turn-ons and commit to fulfilling them at least once a week. By focusing on their pleasure and desires, you can create a more fulfilling sexual experience. - Megan Fleming, New York City-based sex therapist and author of "Invisible Divorce: Finding Your Way Back to Connection."

Avoid Comparing Your Sex Life to Others

Comparing your sexual experiences to those of other couples, such as thinking "Rick and Jeff have more sex than us," is a common trap to avoid. Long-term sexual connections are not about who has the most frequent or best sex.

Over time, your sexual relationship will evolve, grow, and take you to new places if you remain open. It's normal to have highs and lows, moments of intense pleasure and connection, as well as moments of boredom and disconnection. - Keeley Rankin, sex therapist in San Francisco, California.

Focus On What Turns You on About Your Partner

Instead of fixating on turn-offs, intentionally focus on what turns you on about your partner. It's easy to dwell on the things that don't arouse us, but we often neglect to appreciate what does.

Recall what initially attracted you to your partner and create interactions that recreate those feelings. Pay attention to the moments when you find them particularly attractive or appealing. By celebrating and nurturing those moments, you can keep the spark alive. - Anonymous sex therapist.

Prioritize Open Communication about Desires and Fantasies

Maintaining an open line of communication with your partner about your desires and fantasies is crucial. Talk openly about what excites you, what you'd like to explore, and any fantasies you wish to share. This vulnerability and honesty can deepen intimacy, increase arousal, and lead to new experiences that enhance your sexual satisfaction.

Embrace Variety and Novelty

Introduce novelty and variety into your sexual experiences to keep things fresh. Explore new positions, try different settings, incorporate role-playing or sensual activities, and experiment with sex toys or accessories. Embracing novelty can reignite passion and excitement in your relationship.

Prioritize Self-Care and Overall Well-Being

Remember that sexual satisfaction is influenced by various factors, including physical and emotional well-being. Prioritize self-care, maintain a healthy lifestyle, manage stress, and nurture your emotional connection with your partner. Taking care of yourselves individually and as a couple can have a positive impact on your sexual satisfaction.

Prioritize Regular Sexual Intimacy

Research indicates that couples who engage in sexual activity at least once a week tend to have higher levels of relational satisfaction compared to those who have sex less frequently. It's important to note that the benefits of sex extend beyond frequency alone.

Different types of sexual experiences offer unique advantages. Lovemaking reinforces emotional connection, while exploring creativity and fantasy can expand horizons. Engaging the senses through sight, sound, touch, taste, and smell can enhance pleasure, and sometimes, quickies or self-pleasure can help release stress.

Aim for both consistency in frequency and variety in approach, maintaining high expectations for your sexual experiences. If you're not initially in the mood, sometimes engaging in physical intimacy can lead the mind to follow suit. - Ian Kerner, sex therapist and author of "She Comes First: The Thinking Man's Guide to Pleasuring a Woman."

Schedule Kid-Free Date Nights (Consider Hotel Sex)

The demands of parenting often leave couples too exhausted to nurture their relationship. Showing your children that you have a connection beyond them is crucial. Plan regular date nights without the kids.

If family or funds are limited, consider arranging a babysitting exchange with another couple. You watch their kids one night, and they return the favor on another occasion. Additionally, treat yourselves to an annual hotel stay to experience the novelty and excitement of hotel sex.

The unfamiliar setting activates dopamine in the brain, providing a rush of pleasure. Dopamine is the same neurochemical responsible for the excitement associated with trying new activities. - Kimberly Resnick Anderson.

Embrace Outercourse as a Pleasurable Option

While intercourse often takes the spotlight, it's important to recognize the value of outercourse. This includes activities such as oral sex, manual stimulation, and direct clitoral stimulation. By prioritizing outercourse, you can discover new paths to pleasure that may be overlooked when focusing solely on intercourse. Recent studies indicate that many women prefer a high degree of clitoral stimulation to achieve orgasm. Exploring outercourse allows you to unlock new avenues of pleasure that may be outside the traditional approach.

The Secrets of Sexual Satisfaction in Your 40s and Beyond

As individuals age, their sexual experiences and needs may evolve. While there is no one-size-fits-all approach to sexual satisfaction over the age of 40, there are some key factors that can contribute to a fulfilling and enjoyable sex life during this stage of life. Here are some secrets to consider:


Open and honest communication with your partner is crucial. Discuss your desires, concerns, and any changes you may be experiencing. This will help you both understand each other's needs and find ways to enhance your sexual connection.


Taking care of your overall well-being can positively impact your sexual satisfaction. Prioritize your physical and mental health by maintaining a balanced diet, exercising regularly, managing stress, and getting enough rest. Engaging in activities that make you feel good about yourself can also boost your confidence and sexual self-esteem.

Embrace Changes

Recognize that your body may undergo natural changes as you age. Embrace these changes and explore new possibilities in the bedroom. Adjusting sexual positions, trying different techniques, and incorporating new forms of stimulation can lead to exciting and pleasurable experiences.

Prioritize Foreplay

As individuals age, the need for extended foreplay may increase. Taking time to engage in sensual activities, such as kissing, caressing, and erotic massage, can enhance arousal and build anticipation, leading to more satisfying sexual encounters.

Experiment and Explore

Be open to trying new things and exploring different aspects of your sexuality. This may involve experimenting with new positions, introducing sex toys or accessories, or exploring fantasies together. Remember, consent and mutual agreement are essential in any sexual exploration.

Intimacy Beyond Intercourse

Understand that intimacy extends beyond just intercourse. Emotional connection, intimacy, and non-sexual physical affection, such as cuddling and kissing, are equally important for maintaining a satisfying sexual relationship.

Seek Professional Help

If you're facing persistent challenges or changes that affect your sexual satisfaction, consider seeking guidance from a healthcare professional or a sex therapist. They can provide specialized advice, strategies, and resources tailored to your specific needs.

Remember, everyone's journey and experiences with sex over 40 are unique. It's essential to embrace open-mindedness, understanding, and a willingness to adapt as you navigate this stage of life. With effective communication, self-care, and a spirit of exploration, you can enjoy a fulfilling and satisfying sex life well into your 40s and beyond.


A functional an effective sex life is important in any sexual relationship. Some people believe that they can wing it. Of course, this may work for some. However, it doesn’t work in the long run. Use the above guide to help you make or improve your sex life. The guide works for beginners those in a relationship, and those who are in their sunset years.

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